“Absence is to love
what wind is to fire;
it extinguishes the small
and enkindles the great” – Roger de Rabutin
Firstly, I would like to apologize for my absence during these last couple of weeks. I wish I could say that it was because I have had an amazing time and have just been too busy but unfortunately it is not the case. So I would just like to say that I have truly appreciated the amount of kindness and support I have received, from you all, since I began this blog, and I am truly grateful for having made your acquaintance.
During these last couple of weeks, I have struggled with the most complex and intense grieving process I have ever experienced. I have gone through far too much loss in this last year and the consequence finally reared its depressive head. I felt hopeless, lost, isolated, vulnerable and the smallest accident among friends and family terrified me. For most of the time I did not even feel able to reach out to those closest to me, all due to fear and emotional exhaustion. For almost every minute of every day I wished I could talk to someone. I was craving social contact, love and support, but despite those emotions I still instinctually knew that what I needed was some time to myself. Some time to ground myself and find my place in this world again. I love everyone so much, and the thought of losing yet another person was just too intense for me to handle for a while.
I have thought of you all often, wishing I could focus enough to reach out to you, but all I felt able to do was to sleepwalk through the days while trying my hardest to, at least, focus on my university assignments. Which I never really managed to do to be honest… but I am trying to convince myself that the fact that I even tried was an achievement. Trying was all I could do at the time and I could very easily have spent the entire time tucked in my safe and comfortable bed but I managed to push through and that is a major achievement.
I am finally feeling more like myself again though and I am hoping this means that I will be able to keep up with you all again. I always love reading your posts, and sharing whatever is on my mind with you all. It has been really beneficial to me, more so than I ever expected. I hope some of you have been able to gain something from my posts as well, either way though, thanks for checking up on me and sharing my posts. It means the absolute world to me that I get to be even a tiny little part of your lives.
All my love, to all of you!